A friend of mine once said 'Puti, you have to make peace with your inner self'. We were talking about how messed up our lives were. He went through something which had caused him to have some leap of faith. It wasn't an easy journey for him I know. In my opinion, he was such a successful man, he led a decent lifestyle and is such an open-minded man. I admired him and thought that he was very lucky. However, the grass is always greener on the other side. We tend to perceive that others are luckier than us. (Ok, I need to see the doctor, I have a medical appointment this morning, I will continue later.)
Yes, sleeping is my only escapism to run away from everything.. But you don't how it feels when you actually bring a lot of things together with your sleep. Unsolved problems, unspoken thoughts and feelings, hurt and broken heart. You don't know how it feels to sleep carrying heavy burden in the head and heart. And I still have to fake myself most of the time pretending that I'm well, I'm doing fine, I smile and laugh. It's not easy. It's easy to smile when you are happy but it takes courage to smile and be happy when there are many things to be carried by the head and when there are many things you have to swallow and when there are many unsaid and unspoken thoughts.
No point arguing with the people around you, be the person is your husband, your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, your friend, your colleague, your manager.. Tomorrow could be your day.. Just let them win the argument, swallow and smile, later ask for strength from Allah. Only He can help you, only He can give you the strength that you yearn for.
Oh Allah, if death is the only answer to all my sufferings, please take me and put me among the righteous. I can't endure with everything anymore. Oh Allah, please take me, please take away my soul, these sufferings are too heavy on me. 😥😥😥😥😥
Basically there's nothing much that you should know about me. I'm just a humble servant of Allah who is always in her journey of finding knowledge, wisdom and true love. I always enjoy to be on the run and do not enjoy much life without any aim and goal. On the other hand, I'm a person who does not like to be the centre of attention. I hate attention seeker and people who are self-centred and proud.